time

the future is simple a subjective term used to describe all the moments
that we believe may or may not exist. the past is simply the moments we
believe to have happened, either through recollection or proof.
so really, there is only now. and this is the only now that exists, but it is
not the only now that will exist. and you, in this now, is everything that
you are and were, and it shows everything that you could be, in it's
infinitive possibilities. so, in this now, when you are reading this, this
is a part of what you are. so, this, will make up a part of everything that
you are and it will affect everything that you could be. simply because there
is only now. and this is the only right now that you will ever have.

if you understand what i mean.
thus, you're part of my right now. because you're reading this.
get it?

mm.

"...that's another one, love. It was great until everyone decided it was time is should become mass-produced. Now ever tom, mary and wannabe robert-browning is scrambling for instant perfection. I however am quite happy to sit in a cafe that no-one likes and write about how terribly terribly sad my romantic ways are in this world of automised and robotisised human emotions by telling someone i'm dating that I, infact, am not in love with them, as i've only been dating them for three months."

thought that was interesting.

wordings

"It was a fifteen-minute streetcar ride to Harvard Square, where on Saturdays I would go to absorb its intellectual, folksy ambiance. I'd sit for hours in a cafe with a pen & a notebook, writing about the human complexities that threatened to flatten me. Helen did not have the sanctuary of notebooks. Writing about her life would have meant acknowledging it."

taken from a book or a magazine or a newspaper article I've long since forgotten the name of.

on growth.

I think people are so caught up in this world we think we're a part of, they forget that sometimes all it takes is a good friend and honest thoughts to find everything they've been missing. the difference between childhood and adulthood, the thing that everyone says they miss, it isn't the innocence, it isn't not worrying:
it's being able to find joy in the littlest things. we forget what it feels like to take our shoes off and walk in mud, just because we can. we view everything as a job. and forget how sometimes, we can be open. we can make mud pies and dip our hands in bags of grain. we can still find breathtaking moments.
we just have to stop, just for one single day, and reach for it.

desire.

"We are not always everything we think we are"

Crossing Lines

"Why is it that when the line between honesty and truth blurs, the line between us and them grows?"

Who are you?

"Usually, being someone [anyone, anybody] isn't enough. You need someone to see you, someone to be you with."

decorus fireflies.

So. I was pondering something as usual, when I came across a rather frustrating thought.
I was thinking about solipsism. Which, in the event you don't bother with things like this is like "My mind is the only thing that i can know exists". Here, I'll grab something off wikipedia.

"given that I can only observe the behaviour of others,
how can I know that others have minds?"

But, going by this, if there is no way to guarantee that anyone else had a mind or 'exists' per se, if in the event that other people do not exist, what is the point of anything if you are the only sentient being ever? And then, if you are the only sentient being, what is the point of anyone else, or friendship or relationship?

But then, on the other side, if they do have minds, one can also ask what the point of anything is. To which I would reply "to exist, to understand, to experience" as, I believe, in life, the best things and feelings you can gain are from doing and feeling and learning. Now, don't confuse what I'm saying, you can live your life doing things because of what other people say, but ultimately, you are in control of what you do, and the consequences of that, just as you are responsible for what you believe, though outside factors effect how you come to the outcomes you do. So, living a life doing what you are told and not experiencing things for yourself and owning up to what you do and generally not completely saying "yes, I -am- in control of my own life" you are not really doing. Only acting as one feels they are supposed to. And feeling, feeling. You need to go out, and talk to strangers and try things you wouldn't normally do and let loose and fall in love and fall in hate and try things you don't like, just so you can feel everything you can. But learning oh, to understand what is happening around you and know about people and their hopes and fears and to able to explain exactly how a black hole is theorised to work and read the classics and know the new age geniuses and just to know. To be able to make informed decisions and understand what you are being told and just knowledge. It is amazing.

Thus my strange thoughts end.

Why's and Wherefore's

I have many friends,I am, what people would call a social butterfly. But of all of my friends, there are few of which are not what I would call 'Friendships of Action or Place'. That is, friendships which would exist without one linking activity, or place such as music, or school. Thus, if I were to stop playing music, stop going to school and stop writing, I would have a marked decrease in friends. However, the friends I have that are friends purely due to a love of character, that would continue thriving if common hobbies were removed (though the hobbies make up who the person is, so that is a bad example) we would remain friends. Therefore, I do not simple love the characteristics of the person, but that person as themselves, their moods, and their hobbies and their desires and aspirations, I love the person as the person, and I am friends with them because of that. But there are some people who as you first converse with going over those initial why's and wherefore's that just 'click' per se. I have been lucky enough to meet two of these people. And though I'm rather positive that it would be marvelous for there to be some grand reason behind this, I am of the opinion that it is nothing more or less than "You can understand the way I see the world, not because I can explain my innermost self to you, but because you can see the world though my eyes, as it is the way you see the world" this feeling, though rather indescribable feeling, I think, is the key to love. To know someone completely in their innermost self behind the lies and fears and barriers is the ultimatum to the best form or romantic love or Platonic love. These types of people are not, naturally, free tickets to friendship and love, as with any type of relationship platonic or non-platonic, it still takes work, effort, understanding, compromise to know a person, their needs, wants, fears, desires. But ultimately, as far as I have experienced, these people help create the best types of friendships. They are the types of friendships where you hear "I know who you are, I understand why you think what you do, I know you are exactly yourself and I love you".
At least, as far as I know.

et ainsi.

[and so.]

I was thinking earlier today, if you've ever read the book, website or done the quizzes of "stuff white people like" (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/) you'll notice that they have the stereotypical attitudes, opinions and joys that 'alternative' 'indie' 'non-conformist' and in many classes 'more cultural' people have. This therefore led me to the question, how long ago were these things, for lack of a better term 'different'. Because, in all honesty, a quick glance through most of the subjects on the list, and you'll notice the "unique tastes of millions".
So, who on earth, (or possibly mercury), decided that these tastes were so unique? In complete and utter honesty, it's harder to find someone who does not like most of the things on this list. I certainly like most of them, and I know that most of my friends/acquaintances/family members do.

Which leads me to my main point, what is the point of this obsession we have with being unique? Don't take that the wrong way, yes, it is definitely wonderful to feel special every once in a while, but I know dozens of people, who, in all seriousness, become completely and utterly offended when I so much as mention that anyone else may have that shirt/idea/heard of that band.

Can anyone answer? Why do we strive for something so, egotistical? I'm not saying I'm perfect here, I'm most certainly guilty of being disappointed that my friends had known a band or thought of some new way that corporations/governments/rich people were being obnoxious/narcissistic/controlling. But, not very often, and most certainly not to the extent of other people.

My only real conclusion is that, in this society (maybe I should say my society, chances are you may not live where I do), we are raised under the ideals that we need to be special and unique and do things no one else has before. Whatever is wrong with mediocrity? I certainly see nothing wrong with it. Yet it seems people can not cope with the idea that they will not be brilliant in their lifetimes. I am quite content, though I hope to become successful and do something wonderful with my life, to live a life of mediocrity and know that my greatest feat will in all likelihoods be some form of successful project at my dead end job, or writing something that I particularly enjoy reading.
(But then, perhaps I am simply insane.)

[p.s. before anyone gets offended, please note, "stuff white people like" is meant to be a comedy, and I do not mean to offend anyone by referencing it]

the reasons i smile.

1. dipping hands in bags of grain
2. making someone smile
3. babies laughter
4. waking up next to someone
5. rain
6. early morning fog
7. looking at stars
8. wrapping presents
9. talking to strangers
10. reading strange books
11. cooking for friends
12. the smell of old books
13. buying new pens
14. writing honest things
15. sunday morning music
16. discovering something new
17. finding something old
18. going to sleep as soon as you lie down
19. hand-written letters
20. surprise visits from friends
21. laughing, because you can
22. gardening
23. fresh tea
24. music that makes the moment
25. the looks on peoples faces when they think no-one is watching.

also, this could be called;
these are the smalls things i love
the small things that people forget to look for.
reasons why you don't get bored and eat boost bars

Und so weiter...

(and so on...)

Like nothing you've ever seen before (or maybe you have), but everything you kind of dig (or maybe not).

Now for a brief experiment with irony and my usual paradoxical tendencies. I'm seeing a doctor about it, I promise.
Addressed to the god of existentialism: I would like my real life identity to stay in tact please, and the confidence in my own self-worth to not feel a particular increase in validation if someone takes notice of my odds and ends.

And why have I created such a vacuous monstrosity of cyberspace?
Because I was bored.
Maybe?
Perhaps.
I just don't know anymore.

I will start writing about something useful and informative soon, I promise. As soon as the millions of neurons in my neocortex decide to stop expending their energies on thinking about Iced Tea and all its Marvelous Effects.